Deliver In Person
Yeah. They may not have wanted to spend the whole weekend with you, but popping in to drop off some gifts was hardly something to be mad about. You quickly turn to head towards the suburbs, holding the plastic bag tightly to your chest. You start going faster and faster, and before you know it you’re sprinting down the street. People glance nervously at you, but you don’t care. Not today.
Your mind races nervously as you run through the hopes you’re trying so desperately not to believe. The hope that the small game console in the bag will remind the kids of when the three of you used to play together, laughing and making fun of each other when someone messed up. The hope that maybe the small toys will make them think of you, or at least feel like there’s a part of you that’s still with them. And of course, the hope that shakes you to your very core. The hope that maybe, just maybe, all of this is nothing more than a bump in the road, and things would be ok again. Maybe one day.
You’re out of breath now, not just because you had been running but because you see the house. That house was full of so many memories. Sometimes it was hard to tell if the memories you had left were good or bad, but that didn’t matter. Not right now at least.
You could feel your heart beating as you stepped up to the door to knock, overthinking every move. You couldn’t knock too hard because that would sound too aggressive, but what if you knock so softly they don’t hear you? Knocking twice has got to be worse than knocking too hard right?
Ok so three light knocks it is, just to be sure they hear-
“Oh hi! I was just taking the trash out. How are you?”
You walk inside with your daughter making idle conversation as you help her drag the trash cans out to the street, and step inside the door. With a rush the smell hits you, and it takes a second to recover. She yells up the stairs
“HEY SAM. WE GOT PRESENTS”
You hear small steps thump down the hall above, and then a figure slides down the bannister.
“Sarah what do you mean we have presents- Oh! Hi!!!”
After they each give you a quick hug, the kids rush to the living room and plop down on the couch across from you. Your hands shake slightly as you reach into the bag, and pull out two boxes wrapped in brown paper. They sat in your office for so long that you had ended up drawing little doodles running all over them. Stick figures fighting with swords and goofy looking animals with speech bubbles telling jokes.
Sam’s eyes light up and he tears into it without a second thought, but you give a small smile as you see Sarah chuckle at one of the jokes on the top of hers. She carefully unties the twine, and tries her best not to rip any of the paper, but flinches slightly when one of the corners gets stuck and rips over a bug eyed elephant.
Meanwhile Sam has already opened his toy gun and shot one of the foam bullets at the window, smiling when it gets stuck. You notice the small envelope he left in the paper, and put it where he was sitting.
Sarah sets her new stuffed bear to the side, and opens the envelope in her package. Her smile fades as she starts reading.
“You’re.. Leaving? Moving to a whole other country?” Just then the door opens and in steps your former partner.
“Thanks for doing the trash Sarah! Sam, did you remember your job? I know it’s hard sometimes… Hi. The kids let you in, right?”
You nod, and Sam gives an excited squeal as he pulls the console out of the bag.
“This is for us? Really??”
He sits down next to you and says “I wish you could stay forever.”
“Well that’s not going to happen Sam. Do you want to explain this letter?”
Sarah looks furious. So, with a sigh you tell them that yes, you are moving. Your job opened a new location somewhere else, and you took the offer to transfer. But it will be pretty far away so you may not see them as often. Sarah’s eyes fill with tears.
“First you leave mom, and now you’re leaving us? Do you really think a gross little teddy bear can make up for that? Are you serious?!”
“Sarah, honey-” Her mom wraps her in a hug and pulls her close. “It’s not like that. We both decided the divorce was for the best and- adults can make their own choices. Like moving. You’ve seen the apartment. This is a really expensive city. It would be easier to live somewhere else.”
“Mom, we're not stupid” Sam says. “I’m 11. I know how divorce works.”
“Then you should know it’s hard to make the right choices sometimes. And I think we should talk about this later. Now why don’t you go say thank you, and head up to your rooms. Let us talk for a bit” They shuffle out and she turns to you.
“How do you always manage to make a commotion? I honestly don’t get it.. Aren't you going to say something? Anything?”
You feel stuck. Your mouth is open but nothing comes out. You don’t have any thoughts in your head except apologizing, but you can’t even do that right now.
“Alright. You know what, no. I’ve had enough. Please leave. Thank you for the gifts. I- I’m sorry.” You get to your feet slowly, and without saying a word hand her the last things in your bag. Another letter and a small picture of her and the kids back when you were together. You were the one that took it, which is why you weren’t in frame. That felt fitting.
She hugs you for the last time, and with a finality that feels crushing, you leave.
Your apartment is full of moving boxes, and feels more like a warehouse than a home right now, but you don’t care. Moving day comes, and you load a rental truck alone and slowly drive off to your new home.
In one last act of selfishness, you take a route that goes past their house. Sarah is there, sitting on the front porch and clutching the teddy bear close to her chest.
Your eyes fill with tears, and you shake off all the thoughts. You’re heading somewhere new. New beginnings! Besides. Beginnings don’t mean you have to forget.
Just that you get to make new memories to remember the old ones with. You needed some new memories.
Ending 14/16